Book 7 Un-Spoilers

• Kreacher and Dobby are father and son
• Hermione is Ron's brother (hey, it worked in Star Wars)
• Harry discovers it's all a reality show
• Ron's family inherits a fortune in chocolate frogs from Dumbledore
• Snape goes on a book signing tour for his biography: "Potions & Passions: The Cauldron Wishing Well"
• The Deathly Hollows lets you fight to bring back 7 people from the dead (how convenient a solution to the world's problems)
• Hedwig turns out to be an animagi who is Dumbledor's sister
• Aunt Petunia turns out to be a witch who had her mind cleared
• Dudley becomes a dark wizard
• Lupin leaves Tonks when she gives birth to a bobcat
  
• Lucius Malfoy's wand has "imported" Chineese Dragon Heart Stirng
• Voldermort's wand was simply "out of warranty"
• Al Gore blames global warming on Dragon Flatulence
• Harry faces Scabbers' half-animagi 3,720 rat-children
• Fred and George go IPO. Harry's indicted for insider trading
• With the Order in a frenzy, Harry enlists in the RAF